Too much at once

Moving clear across the country is hard for anyone, let alone a 3-year-old who's also adjusting to life with a new sibling. So when Aleksandra and her husband Shane moved from California to North Carolina not long before their new baby was born, they understood why their little boy, Theo, went into meltdown mode. They just didn't know exactly what to do

Aleksandra, who is a psychologist herself, could see that Theo was dealing with the cross-country move and the birth of a sibling the only way he knew how— by throwing tantrums.

"My son would get upset about something, and then he just could not calm himself down," she says. "I felt like we didn't have control of the situation," she says.

Theo had left behind not only his home and routines, but also a family daycare provider he'd adored. "He was there 45 hours a week, and then one day—poof! Angela's gone, the house he's familiar with is gone. Two months later he starts a new preschool, which was a big transition, and two months after that his baby sister was born."

Even having a doctorate wasn't helping

Aleksandra has a PhD in child development, and could see what the problem was, but that didn't mean she knew how to solve it.

"They don't teach you parenting in school; they teach you research and theory. Knowing how to parent is not something that you really learn anywhere, and it's hard to get inside the head of a 3-year-old when you're a grown-up."

At first, Aleksandra and husband Shane tried logic with Theo, but they quickly learned that a 3-year-old isn't capable of reasoning. The approach backfired, and the situation would escalate. "I had thought about time-outs, but I was not sure if they were appropriate for a child this young. Would he understand what a time-out was? I tried to do it the way my parents had when I was 10, and sent him to his room, but he would end up terrified," she says.

The tantrums stopped completely

When Aleksandra discovered Triple P through a mothers' group, she learned strategies to help Theo adjust to the family's new life in North Carolina. Aleksandra and Shane worked with Triple P provider Christian Adams, who came to their home in the evening after Theo and his baby sister had been put to bed. Christian helped Aleksandra and Shane put some new strategies into place.

"I was really skeptical that a time-out was going to work," Aleksandra says. But Christian emphasized the importance of putting positively-framed, simple rules about behavior into place first.

The family decided on a few important rules, including being gentle with toys and always using an inside voice, even when angry. Within a week and a half, the tantrums stopped completely: "It was amazing—for six months, he had been having tantrums multiple times a day," says Aleksandra.

"We found ourselves thinking 'Christian was so right—time-outs do work'!"

Get the strategies for yourself

You can learn the same strategies that Aleksandra and Shane used by doing Triple P Online, the 24/7 way to get parenting tips at home. It's free in North Carolina and can help you enjoy being a parent more, and help you support your child through life's ups and downs.