The importance of friends

You need friends, and so does your teenager. Friends share your secrets and interests, make you laugh, listen when you need a shoulder to cry on, and encourage you. And for your teenager, their friends also help them figure out who they are and where they fit in. But not having friends can be very lonely and isolating, especially for teenagers. It's helpful to know why friends and peer relationships are important so you can help your teenager build friendships, keep the good ones, and learn to walk away from the ones that aren't.

What makes friends so important?

As your child becomes a teenager your relationship with them will change. Once, they would have relied on you for advice. Now, they seem to value their friends' opinions more. But while healthy peer relationships come easily for some teens, they can be difficult for others to manage.

Here are some signs that your teen is finding it hard to make friends, keep them, or fit in. They:

• Have low confidence and self-esteem
• Don't want to participate in social activities
• Change things about themselves to try and fit in
• Are extremely introverted or shy
• Don't want to talk about their friends

Why do some peer relationships lead to problems?

As your teen relies more on their relationships with friends and peers you may feel like you are being pushed aside or are no longer needed. But you are needed. And how you handle your changing relationship with your teen can have a major effect on family life.

There are some common red flags to look out for:

• Teenagers want (and need) to go to parties, concerts or other social events. They need to socialize. But if you are too strict about what they can do, or alternatively, if you push them into going places they don't want, you'll be inviting conflict.
• You may think your teen is mixing with a 'bad crowd', or following a good friend's questionable judgement. It's normal to worry about what they could get up to, but there are ways to calmly talk about it.
• Having strained, or non-existent friendships or peer relationships is usually distressing for teenagers, and probably would be for you too. The stress can also affect your other family members.

…or maybe all of these things are in play at once!